


My Soul

by Denyce



Category: Dark Angel
Genre: Alternate Universe - Future, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-15
Updated: 2013-09-15
Packaged: 2017-12-26 17:03:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,841
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/968385
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Denyce/pseuds/Denyce
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Max receives bad news that Logan’s been injured then has to wait, hope, and pray he’ll be okay.</p>
            </blockquote>





	My Soul

Feeling apprehensive and overly anxious, Max waited impatiently for the elevator to reach her floor. The moment the doors slid open, Max rushed forward and raced down the hall to the nurse’s station. As she neared it, she noticed no one was there. She started to search for anyone who’d be able to give her information on her husband, Logan. 

\---

Earlier after picking up Lexi, her and Logan’s daughter, Max arrived home with Original Cindy. The young girl had raced up the stairs to grab her newest drawings when Max had noticed there was a message on the machine. With that one message her idyllic life collapsed. The call was from Alec, letting her know that Logan had been hurt and that they were heading over to Mercy Hospital. 

Alec’s voice and the mention of a _hospital_ brought an old, yet familiar, fear flaring to life, filling her with dread. 

Although it had been ten years with no impending doom lurking just around the corner, Max had to acknowledge that even before she had met Logan, she was never an optimistic person. Raised by Manticore she was accustomed to always looking over her shoulder, to expect the unexpected. Then after the escape her guard was always up, heightened by fear that Manticore would reappear and drag her away. 

For years, Max had learned to hide in plain sight and blend into the background. It worked until she had started working at Jam Pony as a bicycle messenger. She had tried to keep to herself but OC and the others included her as one of their own even as they gave her the space she needed.

She should have left, but she couldn’t deny a simple truth - she enjoyed their company. Each day she stayed she worried her presence could put them in danger but she never left. Instead, she endured the guilt and let it settle in her gut because if she was honest with herself, she had been alone for too long and needed them. Before she knew it, it was too late to leave. Having people to talk to and friends to hang out with had been her Achilles heel.

She had walked a thin and dangerous line with fate which became all too apparent the day she got caught breaking into Logan’s place.

Max only had to think about Logan to know it was true. Because of her, his entire life changed. It didn’t matter if it was when he had to use his wheelchair or later when he had started to use the exoskeleton to help him walk or when just touching Logan could have killed him. She remembered how much she had wanted to hold his hand and couldn’t then when she did hold Logan’s hand there was a thin layer of latex between them. A protective barrier that kept death at bay; it was an awful reminder of why they couldn’t touch skin-to-skin. 

No matter what Logan said to her over the years, Max knew everything that had happened was because of her.

Logan had tried to dissuade her and put the entire blame on Manticore. A claim she never denied, but it didn’t change any of the facts of who or what she was. Of why Manticore wanted her in the first place and how it put anyone around her in danger. 

Despite this, Logan’s only concern had only been that they stop Manticore and then, subsequently, stop White and his conclave who had wanted to exterminate all transgenics.

Throughout it all, Logan had fought to stay at her side. Max’s first real inkling that things might change for the better was the day they declared their Freedom at Terminal City. 

The image of them standing proudly by the flag that Joshua had made waving beside them had gone live. News feeds around the city saw who they were, but it was the Eyes Only feed that really made the difference as it went viral beyond the city’s internal grid. In the feed, Logan had attached videos and documentation on Manticore, along with evidence of the private and government funding that had supported Manticore’s experiments. 

Once the truth was revealed, it was the public’s outrage that pushed for reform. New legislation was proposed and passed to protect transgenics and anomalies alike. 

Initially it had been a slow process, however, by the end of that year transgenics no longer had to fear leaving Terminal City. Manticore’s scientists came out of the woodwork to openly help integrate them back into society. It included Englebrook who had been the scientist in charge of correcting Zack’s cybro-memory. To her shock this time he didn’t deny her help and was able to alter the virus she had been carrying for so long and rendered it harmless to its target – Logan. Finally, Logan and Max had been able to touch skin-to-skin.

After everything they had endured, they didn’t waste any more time and were married by the end of the day. 

It had been the happiest day of her life and was only matched four years later on - the day their daughter, Lexi, was born. 

The pure joy, happiness, and love that had filled Max’s heart from then had felt foreign to her. Her life had always been filled with fear and the struggle to survive. Although she and the others were free, Manticore destroyed, and the conclave neutralized, nothing stopped the deep-seated fear of impending doom. That one day something would happen and the other shoe would drop where she’d lose everything to end her existing happiness. Fears she had never given voice to.

Now she was feeling as if that shoe had finally dropped as fear for Logan’s survival consumed her.

The fact that it was Alec, and not Logan, calling indicated just how serious the situation was. If nothing else, Logan must have been unconscious because there was no way he wouldn’t have left the message himself if he’d been capable of doing so. Not only that but the message was short and cryptic. Alec left no details of Logan’s injury or of what had happened. 

As she deleted the message, Max had jumped when Cindy grasped her hand. Max had then returned the gesture and breathed a sigh of relief that her daughter hadn’t heard the message. Just then, Lexi had run into the room, her arms full of the art pads Joshua had given her. It was obvious she had been eager to show Cindy her art. Max’s lips had pulled into a tight smile, and she squeezed Cindy’s hand again, thankful that she was there. 

Cindy had nodded her understanding and willingness to stay with Lexi while Max went to Logan. 

Max had felt relieved knowing Lexi was in good hands so she could turn her focus on what was facing her at the hospital. 

During the drive, Max had replayed the message in her head. Her anxiety had heightened with each loop she repeated. She had heard the deadly seriousness in Alec’s voice, but now each time she replayed it in her head she also heard Alec’s struggle as he panted for every breath, and if she was not mistaken, she heard his fear. 

After parking, Max had swiftly made her way to the elevators. As the doors closed, she had swallowed the rising fear in order to focus. Reaching the right floor, Max headed towards the nurse’s station. 

\---

Max looked around the nurse’s station and tried to ignore the eerie silence. No one was at the station. In fact, she didn’t see anyone, including patients or other visitors.

Abruptly she felt a presence behind her and turned around. Her mouth fell open in surprise when she saw Zack and Joshua standing there. 

Joshua’s head tilted, his eyes forlorn, his entire body dejected.

She looked between the two but it was Zack who answered her silent question. “He’s in surgery.”

Max’s body trembled in shock. Her heart accelerated, pounding against her chest. In a rush she demanded, “What happened? Where’s Alec? He was with Logan.” Her voice cracked when she uttered Logan’s name, but it didn’t stop the accusation that dipped into her voice. “Why the hell didn’t Alec protect him?”

Zack met her stare. His mechanical eye looked cold, but his real eye gave away his emotions; he was hurt over her charge. “He did,” he replied, heatedly. Zack paused for a moment as if he was trying to gather himself before he continued. “We arrived on the scene at 1500 hours. Both were seriously injured. Logan was unconscious but Alec had managed to stabilize him and bandage Logan’s wounds. Although Alec was conscious when we arrived, he was bleeding out. He lost consciousness shortly after we arrived. Both were barely hanging on by the time we got here.” Zack’s tone reminded her of their Manticore days as the report was given in a crisp, curt manner, devoid of emotion.

Max felt like Zack had just punched her. She remembered the way Alec had been breathless on the message. “What do you mean barely hanging on? He called and left me a message that they were coming here.”

“I know, he told me. He didn’t want you to know how serious it was or that he was hurt. From what we saw and the amount of hits Alec took, he did his best to shield Logan. Alec told us it was an ambush, a drive by shooting. Right now, they’re both in emergency surgery.”

Max swayed under the news. Suddenly, Joshua was at her side. He let her use his body to lean against. He was the only thing holding her upright. 

She swallowed several times trying to get the words out, fighting against the lump in her throat and the tears that threatened to break through. Her heart ached not only for Logan, but now because of the guilt and shame she felt from accusing Alec. Finally she said, “How bad?” 

This time Zack looked away, crestfallen. Max realized, like her, he was barely holding it together. She felt the weight of Joshua’s hand as he squeezed her shoulder, offering a measure of comfort. His voice was low. “They’re both fighting, Little Fella,” he said reassuringly, using the familiar nickname. “We have to be strong and have faith Logan and Alec will be okay.”

Numbly, Max nodded.

\---

Joshua had said they needed to be strong, but Max felt anything but strong. 

They sat in a room adjacent to the nurse’s station in what was designed to be a waiting room. It faced the corridor and had a half a dozen uncomfortable chairs and a cushioned bench. A children’s table and matching chairs were propped up against one wall. Hanging beside it was a rack of old magazines and books kept to help pass the time.

Since she had arrived, they had the waiting room to themselves. There had been a brief moment when a nurse came in with a clipboard and paperwork for Max to fill out. Later, they each took turns offering their blood for transfusions. 

With nothing else to do but wait, Zack continued to pace back and forth. Joshua stood leaning against the wall and watched the staff working. 

The dense quiet that Max had experienced when she stepped off of the elevator was gone. In its place was busy chaos. Nurses, doctors and attendants carrying charts and equipment moved briskly from room to room along the corridor and then back to their station. Patients in wheelchairs were taken to a different area or a different floor while others waited on gurneys for their attendant to move them along the corridor. Most of the staff had an air of indifference as they passed Max in waiting room. 

However, every once in a while, someone would meet her gaze and offer a measure of reassurance with a brief nod and a smile before continuing on their way. 

Max did nothing but sit, fidgeting nervously. Waiting for any news was driving her crazy. The most prominent emotion she felt was helplessness. She was almost drowning in it. It was running neck- in-neck with impatience. She was bursting at the seams to do something. She fought every instinctual urge she had to not go out and find those who were responsible and kick their asses. 

Instead, she sat there waiting, knowing she couldn’t leave - not until she knew Logan was okay. She had to be here for him _if and when_ he woke up.

A second later Max reprimanded herself for even thinking the word “ _if_.” He will wake up - he has to!

Mentally, Max shook herself against the welling doubt she felt. Eyes tracked Zack’s movement as he paced the floor; his worry was palpable. Like Joshua, blood covered his shirt. Whether it was Alec’s or Logan’s blood, Max wasn’t sure. 

She knew over the last few years all four of them - Logan, Joshua, Alec and Zack - had gotten close, but it was clear Zack doted on Alec. At first their friendship seemed odd and out of place but in hindsight Max had pieced it together. A few dozen conversations she had had with Zack had made her conclude that Zack was trying to make amends not only to Logan, but also to Alec. Zack had been unable to save or protect their brother Ben, but he was determined to do what he could for Alec.

Now that Alec was in danger of losing his life, she knew Zack felt inexplicably responsible. In protecting Logan with his body, Alec had taken seven bullets in comparison to the two Logan had taken. Even with the knowledge that Alec had been wounded more severely, Max had more hope for Alec’s recovery. She couldn’t dismiss the fact that Alec was an X5 and, like her, he was built to survive such attacks. 

On the other hand her husband, Logan, was all too human and fragile.

The last time Logan was shot he was paralyzed. Over time, Logan eventually regained the use of his legs, but it had taken nearly three years of weekly transfusions from Alec and the other X5’s after they discovered the healing properties of the X5s’ blood. 

Her mind whirled with numerous memories of their life together only to settle on the last time she had been in the hospital. She had been the patient. 

\---

It had been over six years ago when she had gone into labor and delivered Lexi. Logan had been there holding her hand and coaching her through each contraction. Near the end, when she was crowning, she had looked up to see Logan completely focused on their daughter’s entrance into the world. His eyes had lit up with wonder. 

At the last push Max had closed her eyes in exhaustion only to open them moments later when she didn’t hear her baby’s cries. Fear had slithered down her spine, but Logan had broken the silence to confirm everything was fine. “It’s all there, Max. Ten little fingers and ten little toes. And she’s just as beautiful as her momma,” Logan said, in awe. Logan met Max’s worried gaze, his entire face was beaming with joy at the new addition to their family. 

A moment later Lexi had bellowed a loud cry as their long-time friend, Dr. Sam Carr, had cut the umbilical cord. It was only then Max had exhaled in relief. She smiled as Logan bent down to kiss her. 

\---

It was a joyous memory to relive. 

Yet even that memory didn’t have the power to soothe her fear; fear that left Max teetering on the abyss. The real knowledge that she could lose Logan dangled in front of her. He was the one person she loved and had hung all her hopes and dreams on. Logan’s love healed and anchored her to go forward, but, without him at her side, she felt certain she’d shatter and lose herself to the abyss. 

A cry of “Mommy” sliced through the hospital’s din as Lexi ran and flung herself against Max. Max inhaled and wrapped her arms around Lexi, breathing in her daughter’s scent. She didn’t know why Lexi was here but holding her daughter comforted her.

“Sorry, Boo, but she caught it on the news,” OC admitted, sounding apologetic. 

Startled, Max looked up. “It was on the news?” 

Cindy nodded, “Shortly after you left, Boo. There’s a group claiming they took out Eyes Only.”

Lexi pulled away from Max with her lips quivering and asked in a hushed, fearful tone, “Daddy and Uncle Alec, they’re not going to die, are they?” 

Max met her daughter’s tearful gaze and it almost broke Max’s heart. Lexi’s innocent, fearful plea, demanded that Max pull herself away from the edge. She had to be strong for Logan and for their daughter. Blinking against her own tears, Max looked into the child’s eyes that were so like her father’s. Staring steadily at her, Max firmly answered. “No, baby. No, they’re not going to die.” 

As quickly as the words left her mouth, Max prayed she wasn’t lying. Gently Max’s fingers threaded through Lexi’s hair to pull strands back away from her face as she spoke, “But they’re both still in surgery. We have to keep good thoughts in our heads, sweetie. Can you do that?”

Lexi nodded, tears still on her face. She then buried her head in the crook of Max’s neck for reassurance. Max returned Lexi’s embrace and ran soothing circles over her back. She began rocking Lexi in place and hummed an old lullaby she used to sing to Lexi when she was a baby. Max ignored the tears she felt against her skin even as Lexi’s face stayed hidden behind a veil of Max’s hair.

\---

It had been hours and they were still waiting for any word of the injured men.

Asha had shown up with several X5’s who had each offered to donate their blood.

Shortly after Lexi fell asleep in Max’s arms, Max looked up and spotted Dr. Carr coming down the corridor. With every step Max watched closely trying to ascertain whether or not he was bringing her good news. From the sullen expression he wore, she feared what he was going to say. Tears threatened to form. She couldn’t help but zero in on the blood splatter on his surgical scrubs, wondering if it belonged to Logan or to Alec.

He stopped in front of her, and slowly Max looked up to his face, her breathing ragged as panic threatened to settle in. Lexi stirred, still groggy with sleep, and asked her what was wrong. She couldn’t answer but smoothed her hands down Lexi’s back.

Sam smiled and nodded. “He is going to be okay,” he said to her gently and then turned to the rest of the room and announced, “They both are both going to be okay.” 

A collective sigh of relief flooded the room. 

Rubbing her tired eyes, Lexi asked, “You mean Daddy and Uncle Alec?”

His smile widening, Sam nodded. “Yes, sweetheart, I mean your daddy and uncle. Your daddy’s strong just like you. He has a lot to live for.” 

Looking back to Max he added, “There was a moment when things got difficult, but he made it through just fine. One bullet passed through without hitting any internal organs, the other nicked a rib and embedded itself in a muscle. He’s lucky nothing went near his spine. Right now, he’s in post-op before they bring him down to ICU. There they’ll closely monitor his progress for the next forty-eight hours, but it looks good. After that, and if we have no further problems, they’ll move him down to recovery.”

Relief flooded Max as she nodded, heedless of the tears that slid down her cheeks. She almost couldn’t breathe.

Max heard Joshua ask, “Alec?”

“Even for a transgenic, Alec’s strong,” Dr. Carr said. “He’s already in ICU; the benefit of an X5’s natural healing properties. Although, Dr. Roosevelt mentioned she wouldn’t mind having additional transgenic blood donors for both of them,” he said, looking at the new arrivals expectantly. A chorus of volunteers responded to his request and he began giving them instructions on where to go. 

Max tuned them out. She didn’t care as she filtered out their chatter until it was nothing but white noise and silently thanked every deity she had prayed to that they both made it through surgery.

It was Lexi that brought Max back to the present by asking, “When can I see Daddy?”

Max look up expectantly at Sam who had turned to face them. “For you sweetheart, I’m afraid you’ll still have to wait until he’s out of ICU,” he answered her softly.

Max didn’t need to see Lexi’s face to know her daughter was pouting as she uttered out a distressful whine of _”Why?”_. 

Sam crouched down to her level, “I’m sorry sweetheart, but you’re still getting over your cold. I know it’s only the sniffles, but right now your daddy is weak and even being around the sniffles immediately surgery could be dangerous. Let him rest and heal while you do the same. In a few days, he’ll be transferred to recovery and then you can come and see him. Okay?”

With a great deal of reluctance, Lexi nodded her acceptance and then wiped her runny nose with the back of her hand. 

“Lil Boo, I’m thinking that’ll give you plenty of time to make a get well card or two – what do you think?” Cindy suggested, coming over to sit by Max.

Joshua added, “Maybe do something on canvas?”

Lexi turned from Cindy to Joshua, her disappointment momentarily appeased. “Really? We can paint?” she asked, already seeming excited at the prospect.

“Together, we’ll make something special,” Joshua said.

“For Daddy and Alec.”

Joshua nodded, confirming his offer. 

“Can Mommy go see Daddy?” Lexi asked. “She doesn’t get colds.”

Sam smiled and ruffled her hair. “You’re a smart girl. You are just like your daddy.” He met Max’s gaze, “And the answer is yes.”

Max didn’t have time to respond before Lexi twisted in her lap to face Max. “You go see Daddy and tell him I’ll come see him soon with a big surprise. Then give him this!” Lexi grabbed Max’s face and planted a big kiss on her cheek. That was followed by a bigger hug. 

Cindy prompted, “Now that’s all settled, I think maybe I should get you home? What do you say, lil Boo?”

Lexi looked like she was about to protest, but Max hushed her. “No, I think Cindy’s right. I’ll stay and watch over Daddy, but I want you to go home and get into bed. You need to get rid of those sniffles so you can see Daddy like Dr. Carr said.”

Lexi pouted but nodded her consent. 

Max smiled and kissed her daughter’s forehead. Glancing behind Lexi to the others standing there, she was overwhelmed by their support. Max’s eyes watered, but she held it together as she addressed them. “You, too. You should all go home and get some rest.” 

She was surprised, but grateful no one argued with her. 

After several hugs, Max thought she had been left alone with Dr. Carr. “Can I go see him now?” she asked.

“Yeah, but I think you should take care of him first.” He nodded his head silently, indicating she should look behind her.

Confused Max turned in the direction Sam indicated only to see Zack was standing in the corner. She hadn’t realized he hadn’t left but knew why he was still there and wanted to smack herself upside the head for not thinking of it earlier. She stood and walked over to Zack and grabbed his hand. She tugged at him and whispered, “Alec first, then. You’ll see. He’ll be okay.” She led him to the elevators where Sam was already waiting for them.

One floor up, Alec was already in ICU. Sam opened and held the door allowing them to walk in ahead of him. The room was quiet except for the hum of machines that monitored Alec’s condition. With his eyes closed, Alec lay there unconscious with an IV drip hooked up to his arm. 

Abruptly, Zack stopped moving and unclasped his hand from Max’s. 

Max turned to look at Zack. He looked pale. His skin was ashen and his real eye glistened with unshed tears; it was obvious he needed a moment. Max turned and walked over to Alec. She stood there for a moment looking down at the man that saved Logan’s life. She had no words that could adequately capture her gratitude. Careful of the IV Max leaned down until her lips grazed Alec’s cheek. She whispered a simple and heartfelt, “Thank you.”

Long minutes passed before she felt Zack’s presence beside her. He had finally approached the bed. She reached out to clasp his hand, squeezing gently, silently offering a measure of support. Then she let go and moved so Zack could take her place. “There’s a chair in the corner, use it,” she suggested. “I’ll be in with Logan if you need me.” 

Without another word or a backward glance, Max left the room with Sam at her back.

Two doors down, Sam let Max into where Logan was recovering. Max ignored everything about the room other than seeing Logan laying there looking so vulnerable. She had seen him like this in the hospital before, but now everything was different. Logan was her husband, the father of her daughter, the love of her life. If she lost him… At the thought, Max inhaled like she was sucker punched. Seeing Logan like this again, after all this time, scared the hell out of her. Sam reaffirmed to her that Logan was doing well and that he was just sleeping. 

After a few moments, she felt Sam’s hand squeeze her shoulder as he passed her and said he’d be down the hall if she needed anything. Spotting the chair against the wall, Max did what she suggested Zack do - she moved it so she could sit at Logan’s side now that they were alone. Max stared at Logan until her gaze lingered on his hand. She reached over but hesitated, her hand hovered above Logan’s. Nervous fear stopped her; afraid she might jar the IV tubes. Instead, she settled her hand on the bed and extended her fingers so the tips touched his.

Her eyes roamed Logan’s bandaged body. It seemed silly but she couldn’t stop herself from taking stock like they had when Lexi was born. “Ten fingers and ten toes,” she whispered aloud. Tears slid down her cheek when she heard a squeak. Startled she looked up to see Logan’s eyes were open and watching her groggily. He tried to clear his throat. “Thought we…agreed…no tears?” he managed to choke out.

Max stood up and leaned in closer so he wouldn’t have to strain, “But you also promised me you wouldn’t get hurt again.” She smiled softly, brushing his cheek with her hand, reassuring herself he was really there.

Logan tried to say something, but it came out as garbled nonsense.

She placed a finger on his lips. “Shush, don’t talk. You’re going to be fine. Sam said the surgery went well.”

“I bet,” Logan whispered. “Alec?” His concern was obvious.

“He’ll be fine.”

“You’re…sure?” Even in his pain, Max knew Logan wouldn’t rest easy until he knew Alec would be okay.

“Yes, he’s strong. Manticore built us well,” she assured him. “He saved your life.”

“I know...I owe him.” Logan said. He tried to move his fingers toward her.

Getting the message Max reached out. “Here.” She carefully twined their fingers together. Exhaling her relief, Max’s thumb caressed over his palm. “Sleep, tomorrow we’ll talk.”

Though there was no strength behind the movement, Logan clasped his fingers against hers. She heard, “I love you,” his voice laced with emotion.

Max nodded wordlessly. Her own emotions were overwhelming her and choked off any words she wanted to say. Suddenly everything was too much and she found herself trembling. Her head lowered near Logan’s chest as close as she dared. A moment later she felt the fingers of Logan’s other hand thread through her hair, guiding her head to actually rest on his chest. 

“It’s okay I know,” Logan hoarsely whispered his understanding.

Once her head lay firmly against his chest, Logan’s hand stilled, his fingers tangled in her hair. “We’re going to be fine. Now rest.” Logan’s voice trailed off. It was obvious he was exhausted but the tone was an unmistakable – an order.  
Unable to argue, Max closed her eyes and uttered a sigh of relief. Then mouthed the words that were screaming from her heart, _Logan, I love you, too_ words Logan didn’t need to hear her say out loud to know what was already in her heart. Silently she added: _without you I couldn’t go on, you are my heart - my soul._

Fin~


End file.
